Null Shithead Was Kidnapped, But He Owned The Bitch

Well, you’ve been wondering where I’ve been haven’t ya! I’ve been around, I’ve been in the allies of the news, I’ve been around the block. first and foremost, I was kidnapped by an idiot assassin, wanting to take me out, as well as my blog. Now who is the assassin? We’ll get to that, no worries, first let me explain how I kicked and owned, and maybe even pooped on this dudes flipping world! I’m flaming! I’m heated! Oh buddy don’t even get me started on this IDIOT! This fuck head decided to KIDNAP me while buying me food? This is when I knew it was going to be an easy escape, I mean, how much work would it take to kick this jack ass in the shin and run? I started to think deeper about it, how about I run this idiot for his money, and get a free meal in the process! Hahah, if you can’t tell by now, the idiot is Clif, who is clif? It’s not Clif the big red dog, because that clif is actually cool. This Clif, you’re gonna hate this son of a bitch with all your guns. Every word that comes out of his mouth his dumb. I think he is dumb, he is so bad. Hey clif. Hey buddy, lick my balls. Bitch

Flame Clif Here: https://twitter.com/powerful_ceo

P.S: Clif is okay I guess. I’m not that mad. Although he does have to lick my balls to save the world. (Please tweet him this.)

Skittles, These shits are flavorful!

Have you ever tasted a skittle? If you chew it slowly, you can taste this really good flavor, I have yet to figure out what it is, however I’m loving it baby! I’m trying the one and only “Tropical Skittles,” These sons of a bitches taste like, I’m in a tropical forest maybe? The flavor is explainable, I’m chowin on these suckers rn! (Skittles listen up, pay me, or send me candy for this fucking article.)

Wow, so I’ve been doing some deeper research into these “Skittles” now there isn’t much science about them, as the ingredients are secret and I don’t even know where the candy comes from for that matter! LOl! Maybe from space, only aliens can create candy as advanced as these are today. I believe the candy industry is working with the aliens and government, possible even with the U.S (Also should work with me.)

Getting pretty close to finishing my bag, weird how that works huh? Like they WANT you to buy more, personally, I’d withdrawal from my over shore bank account and purchase the candy maker it self, why are we wasting time here? We ain’t got no time lose! We only got time to gain! Under are belt! For candy and shit! My goal is to be sponsored by at least twelve different candy companies that mail me candy every month so I have a decent supply to last me the rest of my life. If this is not possible, it will be very soon, I will work hard towards this goal, and some day achieve it. Please wish me luck in this journey, you little bitches !

Snack Review By Chives Celery (@Trillama)

Hello friends. Todau I will be reviewing a few of my recent snacks, and giving suggestions of whether or not you should snack on these snacks.

1. Hot Tamales: Tropical Heat
It’s no secret that in the world of snacks, candy holds it’s own as a good snack variety. And what snack candy better than a small, pill shaped cinnamon candy that tastes bad, Hot Tamales. An actual tamale is a mexican dish made of pork and corn husk or something. Tropical heat gives us flavors nobody asked for, inculding Pineapple Picante and Limon Fever, as opposed to the regular cinnamon flavor. 3/10

2. Bisuits and Gravy Lays Poatato chip.
Recently Lays has done that competition that’s like they pay a million dollars to whoever suggests a good chip flavor. This is because they have either run out of ideas, or they have so much money they wanna just give it away. Last time, the best flavor was clearly the wasabi ginger kind, but people are stupid ad it didnt win. bicuts and gravy is good though 8/10

3. Mission Tortilla corn chuip strips.
Yeah, another chip. Mission is good, authentic mExican flavors imo. Very good with salsa, these are pretty much a staple for me at this poiunt. 10/10

4. Nature Valley Oats and Honey granola bars
You get 2 in one pack so you really cant complain, they are good for when you are feeling too clean and want to get crumbs all over you. A nice brittle texture, with sweet notes, im guessing that’s the honey coming into play. 9/10 wish they werent so messy would be a 10

Remember America, snack on the Good Stuff.
*Chives Celery (@trillama twitter) is a professor of snackology at the University of Pheonix online classes*

Why Alligator Clips Have Led To Higher Hospital Bills

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We all know about these deadly items, this malicious tool has caused over one million deaths over the past year, as well as giving people, a pretty hefty hospital bill, hell even worse, a funeral bill. People may be asking, “How the hell is this causing deaths, or how are people even getting hurt?” There has been a recent event that is unexplained, no human can explain the recent events. One of the most recent event is the jump from jumper cables into the realm of higher entities and aligator clips. This event actually happened to me, yesterday at 5 AM, right before I was heading to bed. It didn’t make much sense honestly, maybe I should try to explain all that deep. I’m still in a lot of shock.

Continue reading “Why Alligator Clips Have Led To Higher Hospital Bills”

Preparing Pasta With Shithead

Hello! Welcome to my very first Cooking with episode! I think I’ll start doing these as I enjoy cooking, and I may as well write about my process. First things first, episode one we will be cooking spaghetti with tomato sauce and turkey meat, it’s a very special family meal we have always had.

5:41 PM : Put the water on the oven, it is now heating up, the water is gaining the hit to than prepare the spaghetti to be eaten, with my mouth.

5:49 PM : The water has begun boiling, that shit is flaming hot, I bet if you stuck your hand in there, you would get a, maybe 5th degree burn, some serious shit.

5:52 PM : Spaghetti has been put into the water, the meat is slowly cooking, we’re off to a pretty damn good start if you ask me boys.

I’m also doing a lot of other shit, like I just took out the trash, I love to take out the trash, the dog just shit on the carpet, that’s extremely bad ass.

5:59 PM : Meat almost done, the meat is cooking pretty slow because it was still a little frozen, I didn’t have time to wait, I had to devour the food before my life span went to zero…

6:05 PM : I’ve combined the meat and sauce, they are now cooking together, mixing the sauce and meat… The flavor is combining… You can tell this is gonna be some good ass food, because I’m cooking it baby! Here comes the seasoning!

Season List:

Garlic Salt

Black Pepper

Mrs Dash

After I wrote Mrs. Dash I ended up digging into this tasty sucker. It was beautiful, and I ate all of it, if I could do it again, I would probably do it the rest of my life. Overall, I would no doubt always recommend my home made pasta, ever wanna come over and chow down on some Shithead spaghetti? Well get your ass down here!

Donald Trump, The Old Fart

Donald Trump
By now everyone has heard of the old fart Donald Trump, who seems to enjoy being racist, sexist, and just plain scary, known for being a candidate running for presidency of the United States named Donald Trump, and by heard of, I mean they have talked badly about him, or have made him into a joke, and of course the other group that supports them. Yes that is correct, there is actually real people who do support him, but I’m sure most people can guess what those people are like. Some may thinking “Oh he won’t be elected.” Well, a good idea would be to not instantly shoot it down like that, “Even my wonderful cousins, who have lived in Italy for over 40 years, warn me that if former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi can do it over there, Trump may be able to get elected over here” (Fenn). How does Donald catch all this media? Well simple, “My colleague Bill Press made the point about the news media in a column: As long as he brings them top ratings, they’ll give him all the time he wants. CNN’s Brian Stelter compared coverage given GOP candidates by CBS, NBC and ABC between Aug. 7 and Aug. 21. On the evening news, Trump talk consumed 36 minutes, 30 seconds. Jeb Bush came in a distant second with 9 minutes and 22 seconds. Marco Rubio, 1 minute, 35 seconds. And poor Lindsey Graham, only one second” (Fenn).
With all this media coverage, what is Donald planning to gain the audience’s attention? His first idea would be to transport over ten million people out of the country, I bet he got those ten thousand votes. Another one his bright ideas is to build a “great, great, wall” around the U.S-Mexico Border. Oh and listen to this, he wants Mexico to pay for it as well. He has many more ideas that you can read online, they are pretty hilarious if you think about it. “I honestly don’t know if Donald Trump will win the Republican nomination. But he’s not just show. He’s offering something real, something very valuable to his party’s electorate that can’t be laughed off or dismissed. Expect him to be around for a while” (Slayton). However, Donald Trump doesn’t seem like a man that should run for president. Just enjoy your company and money Donald, leave the country to someone who really understands it.

Work Cited
Slayton, Robert. “Don’t Dismiss Donald As A Joke.” Huffington Post. The Huffington Post. 9/01/15 Web. 9/01/15
Fenn, Peter “President Trump? Not Just A Joke, a Bad Joke.” U.S News.  The U.S News. 8/31/15 Web. 9/01/15
Graham, Todd “Donald Trump was terrible.” CNN. Cable News Network. 8/07/15

Together We Share a Parallel Universe

Have you ever put in the thought about what if you decided to do something else, in which it completely changes your future, however, you sadly picked the wrong one, and something negative occurred in your life.

Like say you picked a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and you’re like, “These are gonna totally fucking kick so much ass, you don’t even know.” However, they sadly do not kick, ass, which does not kick ass, extremely a lot (This is another subject in it self.) Now, we must enter the parallel universe entrance gate, where the adventure begins. Here we will enter the first (Of the first universe) universe. Where here, you will have mild cards, which is pretty cool, and hell, I would accept, but were here to adventure and proceed past human limits with the Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Now lets enter the second (Of the first universe.) universe. Here you have all of the maximum cards, expect one, which is extremely shit. Who the fucc wants ONE extremely shitty card, we want ALL of that shit to be good you feel me!

Now this, this is where it gets, beyond what you can event think about. Hell I can’t even think about it, I can’t seem to fully complete the thought in my broken brain to understand it. Here we go, this will be my most complete understanding, It can’t get any better than this baby!

The universe of the fifty fifth universe of the twelve milky way, here you will proceed to journey through nine more universes, which will than bring you to the void, which I can not explain, it has a weird mist, and it’s complete darkness, every inch, dark, blank, empty. You begin to hallucinate in this void, which is why you do not want to stay long. A good trick to get out of this fast is to enter warp speed and enter the sixty ninth and the four twenty universe, here are the future, advanced technological civilizations are staying, you can choose to live here, or just visits. Enjoy.